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Fine

Sometimes I text you too much during the day, instead of walking to your office to talk? Fine. Forgive me for not wanting to interrupt your work when it’s just a quick question that can wait (though I’d forget it if I didn’t ask). Oh, and for letting you know when the kids do something cool – no more cool pictures of them coming your way anymore. No problem. Just done complain that you don’t get to know what fun things they do while you’re away.

You say I’m so chatty, especially when you’re trying to watch a show or read something on your phone at night, when we’re lying in bed? Fine. I now bite my tongue instead of talking to you. Don’t complain that I’m ignoring you or that I’m mad, though. It’s what you wanted.

I can’t take criticism? Really? The little remarks over the years, and in the last few months have increased. Don’t worry, I hear them, even if you don’t realize you’re doing it. But fine. I won’t comment on how badly you receive criticism. Because that gets turned around every. single. time. And becomes my fault somehow.

I’ve changed over the years. For you, without my even knowing it. You didn’t like the amount of sarcasm I used (which I grew up with), so I cut it down. A lot. And now, apparently, I have no sense of humour. Thanks. But you know what? You reap what you sow.

Little remarks about the house have added up to a whole pile over the years. Fine. And you know what? I’m no longer looking for your approval. That’s over – I don’t want to be that person, that wife. How I maintain the house from now on will be how I want it. Then I will get the satisfaction from it, rather than {man, I hate how this is going to sound} from your approval. If you even notice.

Little remarks about the iPad and my usage, about craft stuff left out, about things I put on your desk … Fine. Not once have made it an issue when you dump things on the kitchen island. That I then have to figure out how to deal with. Or stuff bought and dumped at the front door, waiting for days (I’ve tested this) for me to put away.

Fine. That’s just fine. I’m fine. We’re fine. Fine.

Just fine, freakin’ fine.

PS to anyone reading – I ended up finding a bookcase that went well in my girls room, so the conversion of the red dresser to a bookcase has been halted. And won’t be restarted. But I do plan on doing something with that table! And yes, the “look” I got about the whole DIY stuff is another issue. Making me feel like I can’t do what something, which makes me question myself, and often makes the result end up being exactly like what that someone expected. An incomplete. Meh.

About The Previous Post

Here’s an example of what I meant.

I picked up a table and a dresser the other day. Yes, at the side of the road. I actually drove past the table a few times (it was going to the school and back with A for an optometrist appointment on Thursday) and decided to just go for it and take it on my way home.

The push was that the garbage truck was about seven houses away. I knew that I wouldn’t get a second chance to take it if I didn’t.

This is the table:

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So it needs a little TLC. But like the shape and think it works well. My plan is to sand it (good thing it’s a simple shape and design!) and stain it to match the other furniture in the room:

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DH has been away most of this week, and he just looked at me funny when I told him about the table. I only brought it up last evening, because I wanted to see it in the room. The kids loved it – we played restaurant for quite some time! Anyway, he isn’t that enthusiastic about it. He thinks it’ll look bad. Or that I won’t actually sand and stain/paint it.

Usually, that would be enough for me to think “Oh, okay. He’s probably right.” I tend to defer to others opinions – my parents when I lived with them (though I did do a lot of creative things anyway) and DH.

But you know what? Who cares? The table was free. Free! So I buy some sandpaper and stain. That’s crazy cheap compared to the price of buying a new one. If it doesn’t work out, I throw it out.

Then there’s the dresser. One neighbour had two out for the trash, and they didn’t get picked up by the garbage guys. I’m not sure why – too big? I took the bigger of the two (it had all four drawers, but I pulled them out – put one in to show how lovely they are)

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Gorgeous, no? So, without the drawers, here’s my plan:

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Take out the drawer supports in the front and the middle drawer line things that go from the supports to the back. Sand the whole thing on the outside enough that I can paint it (a colour to match my girl A’s room, probably going with her bedspread and being a light, soft purple) inside, I’ll paint white. I’ll go to Home Depot and get them to cut three pieces of wood the right length – one for the bottom to plug it up, and the other two as shelves. I’ll paint those white as well as the interior of the “new” dresser. Maybe decoupage a flower or two on the top or side to go with her bedspread. It’s pale purple with some chrysanthemum-like flowers on it.

I showed it to DH about fifteen minutes ago. Yeah. His expression was blank. He said he doesn’t want her room to look like there’s trash in it. He didn’t say it mean or anything, but that’s definitely not supportive.

So instead of agreeing and getting rid of the items, I’m going ahead. Because, really, what’s wrong with trying? Why should I not do something I want to try just because someone else doesn’t think it’ll work?!

Part of me wants to run out and get the supplies and start NOW, but I’m being realistic. One thing at a time. And I want to talk to the Home Hardware guys (they’re closer than Home Depot, and while they don’t sell wood at their tiny location, they do seen stains and paint and lots of other supplies) and see what they recommend for sandpaper for both projects.

With the nicer weather slowly approaching, I can keep the van out of the garage and do the work there.

My girl is excited about having a bookcase, and likes my colour plan. All her stuff is in her closet. She doesn’t have a dresser (she uses the three drawers under her bed and the two, yes two, closets … and the shelf things in them aren’t that great for putting books on). >

Glimpses

Now and then, I see glimpses of who I want to be, and what I want to do. They’re not from a mom or parent or wife or daughter or aunt point of view. They’re from MY point of view. This is something I’m becoming more aware of. These glimpses are showing me what I can/want to strive for. Even if I can only strive for them now and then, that’s still moving forward. Because I am a mom, parent, wife, daughter and aunt as well.

Music Playing

I’m enjoying the flute. Not sure if I will continue renting after the month is up, wait to purchase a second-hand one (wait, since I do not have the money to buy one) or what.

But I can play G A B C D E now, by sight. Ode To Joy is the most complicated one I’ve played (well, just one part of it is a bit harder, the rest is easy) and a bit of Call Me Maybe. I tried that for K. It’s one of his favourite songs! I don’t know enough notes to play Amazing Grace, which is what A is working on.

Flute Learning

I rented a flute for a month (about $24, which includes damage insurance and tax) because, well, I wanted to. I’ve been thinking for a while now of playing it again.

Last time I played the flute, I was in high school. Like, twenty a few years ago.

So I rented it and put it together and then stared at it.

Where do my fingers go? I wondered. Yeah, I’d forgotten that. So I looked it up on the internet.

How do I play the notes? Oh dear. I had to look those up too, and looked at some (free) iPad apps. I kept one, which lets me tap where a note would be and it shows me the note, plays the sound, and shows the finger positions. Phew!

So on Friday, the day I first rented the flute, I taught myself C D and E. And made a simple practice sheet:

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Very simple, but I practiced it a few times that day. For a few minutes each session. Because really, with four kids, it’s not like I can hide for half an hour and practice in peace! (and yes, I know, I did the sticks on the notes wrong – they should be going down for the notes above B, not up!)

On Saturday, I taught myself B and did another practice sheet. Today, Sunday, I was going to do just A, but kinda sorta wanted to play an actual song on the flute. So I did A and G (very similar hand positions – one finger is different). And, of course, made a practice sheet for myself for A B C D and E.

And I played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I have to work on holding the flute parallel to the floor, and getting the right tone thought the mouth plate. And I have a cold, so I sound weird when I talk. And my DH had music going for the kids in the background (I was hiding in his office, using the fax machine as my music stand – it doesn’t get used for much else, since A does the same).

I’m not amazing, but I’m enjoying it. And I hope A and I can play something together soon. Her on the recorder and me on the he flute. It’s also good, I think, for my other three to see me playing something. Once “we” finish the basement, DH will unpack is electric drum kit and they’ll get to see that and play on it.

In case you’re curious, here’s me playing Twinkle Twinkle. I’m sick, my hair is poofy, and I really only recorded it so I can compare how I play and what I play now to maybe next week.

NaNoWriMo! Yay! Woo Hoo!

I have a new novel, Allegiances :)

I did it! I made it to 50,455 words, as of 8:40 pm today, November 30th!

Yay!

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Next step? Editing.  I’m actually looking forward to reading my novel from start to finish.  I haven’t done that at all!

Okay, I Changed The Last Chapter

I know the point is to not go back on your own work, but I didn’t like how Chapter 12 ended. And, truthfully, I still don’t like where it’s sitting, but it’s an improvement. It’s too short, and isn’t really an ending. The Epilogue shouldn’t be the actual “ending”, right? It’s the leader into the next book.

Anyways, I just updated Chapter 12 and will likely add more. It’s a much shorter chapter than the others.

Oh my goodness! Only today left to do (at least) 990 words!

Last Chapter! But There’s Still More :)

Chapter 12 is done. Phew! It’ll need some work to get it how I really wanted it. It isn’t as … smooth as I’d like. I needed all of them to stop being so mopey (as it seemed to me), but I couldn’t seem to get them moving. It felt like it droned on, I couldn’t make them do what I wanted them to do. So frustrating – my characters all behaved for the rest of the novel, LOL! Well, behaved for me :)

So there’s an Epilogue. Which isn’t done, but it will be there. Partly because I know how I want that to end, and partly because I’m at 48,985 words and need just over 1,000 hit the target 50,000!

Chapter 11, Done!

Though it might be a tad shorter than the others. I just hit a spot that was, like, “perfect chapter ending – must start new one!”

Now, on to Chapter 12!

This Years Novel – A Possible Cover

Going with what I just posted (I’m doing speed at posts for, well, no reason really), here’s what I’ll use for my current NaNoWriMo novel:

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Though I must admit that I’d like to have a dagger in the middle. Or four hands reaching in, with one of them darker/grayer than the rest To imply it’s not trustworthy or something.

(I also changed the image to NOT have my full real name – oy!)

(And yes, I realize it’s a doily, not a net. But I have limited resources and cropping capabilities in the Martha Stewart Craft Studio app)